Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
