We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
