i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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