guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She bit a glass in half.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
