You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize