I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
