i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize