I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
