my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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