They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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