Don't you send me to vm
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am naked and annoyed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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