So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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