We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
