A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
