Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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