I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize