My hand turned me down
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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