looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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