Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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