i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
