i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
