I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
