Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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