...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
