Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
