I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
