wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
