Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
