How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
