I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish you could order shots online.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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