i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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