The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
