Got a toothbrush?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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