Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
