don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
