They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i was born a porn star she said
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
