Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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