I just saw a hot homeless man
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
