I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
