Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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