I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize