A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
