mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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