i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
