TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
