i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She even gives head with a lisp.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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