So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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