break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
