Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
