Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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