seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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