I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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