so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
