imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize