He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
