I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
