she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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