Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
