I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
