woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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