That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
