i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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