I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
