I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Vodka?
Forever.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
