my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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