She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
