Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
