my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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