i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
